


The Shades I Don't Want Mixed

by textualErudite (traceExcalibur)



Series: Skaian Library Follower Drive [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff, Jealousy, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-26
Updated: 2012-01-26
Packaged: 2017-10-30 03:39:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/327341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/traceExcalibur/pseuds/textualErudite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sollux and Eridan are finally settling into a healthy relationship, and Karkat may have to let go of his own feelings for Sollux. One of three mini-fics written as part of the Skaian Library Follower Drive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Shades I Don't Want Mixed

Karkat had long been annoyed by Sollux and Eridan’s relationship. It was hard watching friends fight but under the pretense of blackrom he had no choice but to accept it, even when it meant one or both of them almost dying. When he started wandering in on them kissing, or Eridan serenading Sollux with crappy love poems, they started to wear on him twice as heavily as before. By the time he was forced to witness a fistfight between them descend into sloppy makeouts, he had had enough.

Karkat stumbled into the lab and sat beside Kanaya, thudding his head against the desk.

I AM BEYOND FUCKING TIRED OF THEIR BULLSHIT QUADRANT-HOPPING RELATIONSHIP.

I AM SO TIRED I AM FIGHTING THE URGE TO LITERALLY SLAM MY FACE INTO MY DESK UNTIL I FALL ASLEEP AND DREAM ABOUT BULGE-FONDLING TENTACLE CREATURES FROM BEYOND THE FUCKOSPHERE.

THAT WOULD BE PREFERABLE TO WATCHING SOLLUX AND ERIDAN FIGHT.

It Is A Little Annoying But I Dont See Why It Should Be Your Problem Any More Than It Is Anyone Elses

Karkat sighed and buried his head in his hands.

I GUESS I OWE THIS ONE TO YOU, DON’T I?

Owe Me What

I’VE BEEN GIVING YOU ADVICE ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP ISSUES FOR FUCKING EVER.

SO

I GUESS

I CAN TELL YOU THAT

Tell Me That

FUCK OK JUST

I HAVE A REDROM CRUSH ON SOLLUX, ALRIGHT?

Oh

AND I CAN’T VERY WELL ACT ON IT WITH ERIDAN GETTING HIS FISHY HANDS ALL OVER SOLLUX’S RED QUADRANT, CAN I?

GOD, WHY DO I EVEN CALL THOSE TWO MY FRIENDS, THEY ARE FESTERING SACKS OF SHIT, THE BOTH OF THEM.

Maybe Its Because You Can Emphathize With Eridans Issues And You Have A Crush On Sollux

Just A Guess

FUCK YOU.

BY WHICH I MEAN TO SAY

YOU’RE RIGHT.

What Exactly Is It That Attracted You To Sollux Anyway

You Are Always Going On About How Terrible He Is

I Would Have Expected You To Desire His Black Quadrant Before Red

HE *IS* TERRIBLE AND THAT’S THE WORST PART. HE SPENDS HALF HIS TIME INSULTING HIMSELF AND THE OTHER HALF SPEWING VITRIOL AT EVERYONE ELSE, HE CONSISTENTLY UNDERESTIMATES HIS ABILITY WHEN HE ISN’T *OVERINFLATING* IT, HE IS A BIPOLAR WRECK WHO IS ABSOLUTELY UNPLEASANT TO BE AROUND.

AND HE’S ALSO GOT THE STUPIDEST FUCKING HERO COMPLEX I’VE EVER SEEN.

HE WILL DO LITERALLY ANYTHING YOU ASK OF HIM AND DO IT TO THE FUCKING LETTER, HE’S SAVED EVERYONE’S LIVES MORE THAN ONCE WITHOUT ASKING FOR OR RECEIVING A SPECK OF GRATITUDE, AND HE DOES IT ALL WITH IMMINENTLY DECEASED PEOPLE SCREECHING INTO HIS THINK PAN.

IN SHORT, HE IS DISGUSTINGLY GREAT.

Is His Greatness Disgusting Because You Feel It Does Not Match His Personality Or Because You Are Forced To Admit That It Exists

YES.

Well Karkat I Would Love To Advise You But Im Afraid There Is Not Much I Can Offer

If It Helps Though I Will Tell You One Thing

Do Not Attempt To Start A Moirallegiance With Him If You Wax A Deeper Red

Trust Me On This

Apparently It Doesnt Work With The Same Success Rate In Reality As It Does In My Fine Alternian Literature

Er

Not That I Have Tried It Personally But I Have Learned As Much From Some Esteemed Friends Of Mine

YEAH, SURE.

USELESS AS THAT ADVICE IS, I’LL KEEP IT IN MIND ANYWAYS. THANKS.

But There Is Still One Thing I Dont Understand That You Could Perhaps Clarify

YEAH?

What About Feferi Arent She And Sollux A Thing

I Thought That Was A Thing That Was Happening

Them Being A Thing That Is

WELL, IT WAS, AND PERHAPS STILL IS, BUT IT’S EXPERIENCING ROUGHLY AS MUCH TURBULENCE AS A SCUTTLEBUGGY GOING THROUGH THE ALTERNIAN ALPINES WITHOUT CHILL-SEASON RADIALS.

FEFERI IS GETTING MORE AND MORE PISSED OFF ABOUT THEM, THEY CAN’T SEEM TO SETTLE INTO A QUADRANT AND SHE DOESN’T WANT THEM BEING ANYWHERE NEAR EACH OTHER.

SHE’S STILL SEETHING ABOUT THE WHOLE, “ERIDAN TRIED TO KILL THEM BOTH” THING, WHICH IS A PRETTY VALID RESPONSE TO HIS MEGALOMANIACAL BULLSHIT.

SO, REALLY, THEM BEING A THING IS A THING THAT COULD COLLAPSE UPON ITSELF AT ANY TIME, IN A HUGE CATASTROPHIC FAILURE.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN FEFERI WHEN SHE’S MAD? LIKE, REALLY MAD?

“I’M GOING TO BREAK UP WITH YOU AND RIP THE SHIT FROM YOUR BOWELS, MANUALLY” KIND OF MAD?

IT’S NOT A PRETTY SIGHT.

I’D SUGGEST YOU STAY AWAY FROM THEM IF THE SPARKS START FLYING.

Ill Keep That In Mind

  


* * *

  


It was only a few days later that the sparks started flying. Eridan was lying on the floor with a gash in the back of his head, groaning about a cheap shot. Sollux seemed triumphant for a moment but it faded when Feferi rounded on him, looking angrier than anyone had ever seen her.

Sollux, I cannot bereef you are STILL fig)(ting wit)( )(im!

)(e tried to kill us! Bot)( of us!

And you can’t kelp your quadrants straig)(t, eit)(er!

ff, ii don’t—

DON’T YOU –EFF –EFF M-E, MIST-ER!

I )(AV-E )(AD ----ENOUG)( OF T)(E TWO OF YOU!

W-E AR-E T)(ROUG)(!

fiine, whatever.

ii don’t care, ii wa2 only 2tiickiing around wiith you becau2e you 2aved my liife.

and becau2e iit made hiim jealou2.

Sollux jerked his head towards Eridan. Feferi trembled with anger.

T)(at’s all I was to you?

Bait and tackle?

T)(AT’S IT?

2orry ff, that’2 how thiing2 go 2ometiime2.

She was silent for a while; she shook, and it looked almost as if she was going to burst into tears. And then…

uh

feferii?

Just…just CLAM UP AND GO FUCK YOURS)(--ELLF!

Everybody heard the slap; it echoed through the room, sharp and swift. Sollux was sent reeling backwards and he crashed into a table; Feferi turned on her heel and ran out of the room, sobbing. The room went silent. Everyone stood around awkwardly, unsure what to do, and finally Kanaya offered a Ill Go Talk To Her and scurried off after the empress-to-be.

Ironically, Feferi’s explosion stopped their fighting, but not in any way that Karkat would have liked; Sollux and Eridan finally settled into a somewhat-stable matespritship. Walking through the lab was torture knowing that, at any moment, he could stumble upon them kissing in a corridor; sitting in the computer room became all-the-more undesirable when they were there, flirting with each other constantly.

It was a knife twisting in the wound whenever Terezi messaged him, or tried to drag him along to play games with her and Nepeta. He just didn’t have the heart to tell her that he was not _into_ her anymore, that whatever spark he had felt back in the Land of Thought and Flow had vanished. He almost found himself wishing that the Dave human would take her off his hands.

He was stuck, and he had no idea how to get out.

  


* * *

  


It took a week for them to start having romantic issues, and of course Eridan was the one to come to Karkat for advice.

hey kar

you got a minute ivve got a talk to you about sol

SIGH.

WHAT IS IT?

wwell all this lovin touchin an squeezin is really great an all but im kind a missin the vviolence

he wwas pretty good at fightin

you knoww for a mustard blooded land dwweller

but i cant vvery wwell start attackin him again out a the blue

hes happier this wway

wwhat kind a matesprit wwould i be if i ruined that

HANG ON, LET ME WRAP MY THINK PAN AROUND THIS.

YOU ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT HOW HE FEELS?

wwell yeah

wwhat kind a asshole do you think i am kar

I AM GOING TO CHOOSE NOT TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION ON GROUNDS THAT YOU’D THINK MY ANSWER WAS SHIT.

is that an insult

YES.

ok good i wwas wworried you wwere losin your touch or something

SO, ASIDE FROM PROVING TO ME THAT BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP HAS MELLOWED YOU OUT IN ALL THE MOST INFURIATING WAYS, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?

wwhat do i do

i wwant to kick his ass again but hes too busy smoochin me up

Karkat’s mind raced and he grimaced. Here it was, the perfect opportunity to break the two of them up. Feed Eridan bad advice, wait for the two of them to fall apart, and then swoop in and take Sollux for himself. It worked in his romantic comedies all the time!

…but in the movies it also led to a mess of blackrom and hurt feelings and a “good moral” (usually, that killing your romantic rivals is the faster option) and only in the end, after loads of terrible emotions were spilled, was everybody happy.

Or dead.

…

DO WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE HIM HAPPY. TRY NOT TO FUCK UP YOUR WORDS, IF YOU’RE EVEN CAPABLE OF THAT, AND JUST TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL, AND HOPE FOR THE BEST.

RESTRAIN YOUR NATURAL ASSHOLE TENDENCIES FOR JUST LONG ENOUGH TO SORT THINGS RIGHT THE FUCK OUT.

GOT IT?

yeah yeah thats good thats great i shoulda thought a that

i probably wwouldvve if you hadnt told me but this savves me the trouble

thanks kar youre pretty great

you knoww

for some asshole wwith shitty mutant blood

GET THE FUCK OUT.

ok

Eridan scurried off and Karkat kissed his last chance at love goodbye.

  


* * *

  


The day later found Karkat sitting at his computer, speaking with Kanaya.

HOW’S FEFERI DOING?

She Is At Least Feeling A Little Betta

I Mean

Better

Wow Her Fish Puns Are Catchy

WELL THAT’S FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC TO HEAR.

I GUESS.

What About You

Id Hazard A Guess Of My Own That You Do Not Share Feferis Disposition

Her Fishposition You Might Say

UGH, CAN YOU PLEASE KEEP THE PUNS OUT OF THIS?

Right Sorry

Karkat’s head met his desk and he sighed.

YOU KNOW THOSE MOVIES WHERE THE HERO GIVES UP THE CHANCE TO BE WITH HIS BELOVED, BECAUSE HE KNOWS THAT SHE WILL BE HAPPIER WITH SOMEONE ELSE?

Yes

Well No But I Have Read Novels Like That

Your Point Is

…I FUCKING *LOATHE* THOSE MOVIES.

**Author's Note:**

> This mini-fic was a prize for Lori, who was one of the winners of a giveaway run by Skaian Library. Skaian Library is a Tumblr blog dedicated to showcasing good Homestuck fanfiction, and encouraging more people to write. You can visit us at skaianlibrary.tumblr.com, and visit Lori at pocketrainbow.tumblr.com!


End file.
